The Gorgon's Regrets
by ablondeinaunionjack
Summary: Cassandra never meant to hurt Col. But she did, and now there's no turning back. If only she could turn back time...Oneshot. Everything except the plot belongs to Julia Golding.


**This is for everyone in the CQ forums, you're all great!**

Cassandra Lang looked out from her den in the bushes, her long blonde hair curling over her shoulders. She could see the Society meeting from there: that was, of course, the only reason for her picking that spot. She could clearly see her target, her son Colin Clamworthy with his new family, standing in front of a raging bonfire. Flaming fire imps leapt in and out of it, brightening the dark courtyard with their flickering light; making it bright enough for Cassandra to see Colin's laughing face, clear enough to break her heart. Her own young, her only child, was standing close enough for her to see his bright green and brown eyes reflecting the firelight; and yet she couldn't go up to him, couldn't speak to him. Not after she betrayed him and his new girlfriend, the universal, to Kullervo. Cassandra looked away, her eyes painfully dry. Why had she listened to the evil creature? Now she had lost her son forever. Laying a cool hand on her warm forehead, she looked back to the meeting. Who were these people, who had taken her precious Colin away from her? Her eyes alighted first on Lavinia, her ex-mother-in-law, who hadn't even said a word in protest when Cassandra had left Colin with her. She'd just shouldered the burden and brought up Colin as though he was her own son. Tears formed in Cassandra's eyes.

A sudden memory appeared in her head. Her son, so angry with her, saying tensely:

"I'm called Col now. It's time you called me by my proper name."

Col, then. That's what she would call him.

Looking back at the fire, she saw Mack Clamworthy. She snarled. Her ex-husband, who had just jumped back into Col's life, was now accepted as his father. And her? Col's mother? Estranged, forced out, only to watch her son's life from the outside.

_Maybe if you'd come back sooner he would still be your son_, whispered a treacherous voice in her mind.

She ignored it; although she knew it was right, it hurt too much to admit it.

Next to Mack stood Evelyn Lionheart, the universal's aunt. Everything about her was so vivid, so intense. Cassandra scowled. This, then, was the woman who had replaced her. This gaunt woman who dressed in black and screamed out of the window early in the morning was Col's stepmother. Her lip curled in disgust. But then Cassandra noticed the way Evelyn smiled easily, the way she laughed with Col, the way she talked to him about Skylark and the Olympic team. Col's own mother had never done that. Good luck, she thought. After all, you married Mack Clamworthy. You'll need it.

Now the universal was under Cassandra's scrutiny. Connie Lionheart was pretty, with a strong face and those achingly familiar eyes. She had taken Col from Cassandra...but maybe she needed to. Kullervo had been influencing his mother at the time: she hadn't been safe. But Connie had cared enough about Col to save him. Even from her hideout in the bushes Cassandra could see the love in those odd eyes whenever they alighted on Col, and she was glad that someone was looking out for him.

Finally, inevitably, she saw Col. A thousand memories raced through her mind: a gurgling Col, lying in his cot; Col staggering about, just after he'd learnt how to walk; Col as a little boy, running around in the garden, wearing only a vest that covered him like a greatcoat. A grown- up Col, shouting at her, wishing that she'd just leave; holding Col to her, feeling him hug her back. A warm tear slid down her face, glowing orange in the light of the bonfire. All she'd ever wanted was for him to love her. The tear was followed by another. Now she'd failed, and she could never win his trust. Never.

At that moment, the universal looked straight at her. Cassandra pulled her cloak around her, and pulled back into the undergrowth. But now Connie knew she was there. She made an excuse to Col, and wandered over toward Cassandra. The gorgon companion ducked away, barely making a sound. Connie slipped after her, blinking as a raindrop fell into her eye. It was raining lightly now, making it easier for Cassandra to disguise her movements. Suddenly, Cassandra tripped and fell against a slim silver birch, grazing the palm of one hand. The universal took advantage of her mistake and moved in front of her to stop her from leaving.

"Miss Lang?"

Cassandra stared up at her, conscious of the tear tracks on her pale cheeks.

"Leave me" she whispered.

A hot tear fell down onto her diamond pattern cloak. She whisked it away from Connie's eyes.

"Why are you here?" asked the universal.

Inside she was shaking, remembering how Col's mother had betrayed them. This woman was capable of horrendous things; but here she was, weak and trembling, her ice blue eyes filled with tears.

"I wanted to see my Colin" answered Cassandra.

"Col" corrected Connie.

Cassandra looked up at her steadily.

"Col" she agreed.

Connie looked back at Col, who was laughing with Jessica as Rat demonstrated something in front of them.

"I love him, you know" said Cassandra quietly.

"You betrayed him" replied Connie in a monotone, still watching Col.

"I had to choose! My companion or my son?" wailed Cassandra, looking up pleadingly at her. "How could I possibly choose? He told me he would not hurt my young, but her _lied_! He _lied_!"

She punched the birch hard, trying to express her emotions. Her white knuckles began to bleed. She stared down at them and began to sob, wrapping her hand in her cloak. Connie turned back to her.

"You shouldn't have had to choose" she admitted.

Cautiously, she laid a hand on Cassandra's heaving shoulder. Suddenly, her green and brown eyes met Cassandra's icy blue ones, and a lump formed in her throat.

"I am sorry. To him, and to you. Make sure you tell him that."

"Why don't _you_ tell him?"

Cassandra looked into the dark green of the bushes.

"He hates me. I am not welcome."

"But if you told him-"

"No!" she snapped. "Can't you see? I betrayed him. I don't deserve him!"

There was a pause.

"How is the gorgon?" asked Connie.

"She is well. She bides in Snake's Hollow."

"Good. I'm glad."

There was another pause.

"I miss him" said Cassandra simply. "So much. Tell him that, will you?"

Connie looked down at her.

"I will. But-"

"I'm leaving. I'll never interrupt his life again. Look after him, universal."

"Connie, Miss Lang" corrected Connie.

"Cassandra, then."

"I promise I'll look after him. And I'll tell him what you said. Cassandra" she added as an afterthought.

Cassandra smiled slightly.

"Don't tell him here" she urged. "Wait until you're alone."

With a swift movement, she raised Connie's chin with one finger.

"Farewell, Connie."

She darted away, her cloak wrapped around her slim body. Connie watched her until she disappeared into the dappled shadows. As she returned to the meeting, she shed a tear for the woman who had had to choose between her companion and her son.

When she reached Col, he put an arm around her casually.

"What were you doing back there?" he asked jokingly.

Connie smiled tightly.

"Nothing; just taking a break. Talking to a wood sprite" she lied.

Col smiled, and kissed the top of her head. Looking back to the wood, Connie was sure she could see a flash of blonde hair in amongst the green. Cassandra had come back for one last look before she left her son forever.

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